« Home | More shameless self-aggrandisement. » | The safety elephant returns. » | New Labour's "Black Wednesday"? » | Must have been those Kegel exercises. » | Shameless self-aggrandisement. » | All virgins are liars honey. » | Millie's cookies. » | Weekend links. » | The current state of affairs. » | Scum-watch updates. » 

Thursday, September 04, 2008 

Panic on the streets of London.

There was consternation today after a gang brawl involving spades, screwdrivers, bars and sticks was captured by a innocent paparazzo on his way to attempt to get a up-skirt shot of Julie Christie.

The terrifying scene, with kitchen utensils and DIY logistical tools being used for purposes far beyond their intended design has been seen as yet another vignette showcasing Britain's inexorable global decline.

Said one onlooker: "What sort of example does this set to the rest of the world? Once again we've come out bottom of everything, this time in the gang fight stakes. Where was the choreography of the great gangland battles which Los Angeles, Tokyo and Sicily have provided us with? Where were the knives and guns which the newspapers inform us every youth now has easy access to? The best we can manage is a pointed stick, a screwdriver and a Wellington boot. It's no wonder no one goes out at night any more; they're terrified of being attacked by youths armed with bits of 2 by 4 and buckets and spades from the seaside, rather than the Glocks, machetes and Uzis of our foreign cousins."

What do you think? Do you think this shows that Britain has lost its place in the great urban battles league? Do you think that I should stop attempting these feeble attempts at satire? Do you think the Daily Mail would have given a shit if this hadn't happened outside Julie Christie's house? Don't leave any messages, as I'm liable to censor them all.

Labels: , , , ,

Share |

They're not usual gangs. They're builders. Harmless to everyone but themselves.
Have you seen the amount of arse showing out of the top of the bloke with the wellys' jeans? Classic builders bum. If it had been your classic gangmember, he would've made sure his boxers were showing.

There's only one thing for it, time to call for a ban on arms and legs, the leading contributory factor of wielding a weapon.

Post a Comment

Links to this post

Create a Link