Thursday, December 18, 2014 

An open letter to Alex Willcock, CEO of VisualDNA.

As a digital stick in the mud, one of those people who enjoys the benefits of the internet but doesn't feel the need to share his every waking moment and feeling with a bunch of strangers, it falls to me to state that the wankery expressed in your Graun advert is even by the usual standards of the guff produced by marketers and advertising agencies quite something to behold.

It's also an extraordinarily pretentious way of saying that you're going to continue sucking up people's data regardless of whether you have permission to do so or not, as your company does currently, boasting of how you can tell your customers of the "Demographics Interests Intent and Personality (DIIP) data of almost 450m people worldwide" (sic).  This is obviously a load of utter crap, but then what else is the point of businesses like yours?

Hopefully this response to your attempt to spark "discussion and debate" reaches you well. Now do everyone a favour and poke your "understanding economy" up your arse.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2012 

Well, at least it's not boring.

One of the few things that we can hopefully all agree on is that parliament should not be boring. It should also be representative. As an added bonus, it's also to be hoped that those sent there should be well informed, intellectually curious and dedicated to their constituents. Seeing though as this has always been the exception rather than the rule for hundreds of years, it's unlikely to change now.

If there is one thing to be said then for the letter to the Advertising Standards Agency from Gary Streeter, Gavin Shuker and Tim Farron, representing the Christians in Parliament grouping, questioning the ASA's ruling that a Bath-based church organisation cannot continue to claim that through their praying "God ... can heal you from any sickness", it's that it's entertaining. Defending faith healing is a minority pursuit these days, as well as potentially an embarrassing position to take, and so they should be congratulated on their honesty.

Other than that, it's a travesty. It almost seems as though they haven't even read the ASA's adjudication, which is about as clear as it gets from a quango. The ASA quite obviously hasn't ruled on whether or not God can heal people, as that is somewhat outside of their remit. The law on advertising is that the onus is on the advertiser to prove that their claims are true, rather than for the complainant to do so. The only evidence that Healing on the Streets - Bath provided were testimonials, which the ASA quite rightly dismissed as being insufficient. For Streeter to then provide his own personal account of how recurrent pain in his right hand disappeared after a church meeting and has never returned since more than suggests that he has missed this point rather substantially. Streeter goes on to say that all HOTS were doing was suggesting that prayer could heal, which is not quite the full truth - the leaflet downloaded from their website named specific conditions that they suggested could be healed by God as a result of their praying. The ASA accepted that it was their sincere belief that God can heal, simply that they hadn't provided the evidence to back it up.

For the three MPs to then ask that the ASA persuade them personally that they reached their ruling on the basis of "indisputable scientific evidence" is about as silly as it gets. Not quite as silly though as their invoking of Fabrice Muamba, or their asking whether the ASA intends to intervene. Seeing as no one has suggested that Muamba's recovery has been a result of prayer rather than quick medical intervention, unless of course Streeter and friends are claiming that, then the urging from some to "pray for Muamba" was less about religion than it was about hoping that he pulled through.

More amusing than the letter itself was the contortions Stephen Tall goes through in his attempt to justify Tim Farron's involvement on Lib Dem Voice. He cites free speech (irrelevant in this instance), that you cannot prove or disprove faith (true, but his statement that "there is simply no comparison between (for example) a cosmetics company’s claims and those of a faith-based organisation" is fallacious in the extreme) and regulation-creep, which ignores that there is and has been real harm done through claiming that prayer alone can heal. There isn't a problem with individuals claiming that prayer can heal, or indeed with Tim Farron signing letters that challenge quangos to account for themselves; it's when specific claims are made and specific illnesses are cited by groupings in their literature that it becomes problematic, something that is then exacerbated if MPs make fatuous objections to rulings it seems they haven't bothered to read. And the ability to read is one of those requirements that really should go with the job.

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Tuesday, February 16, 2010 

You know it's a slow news day when...

the hot breaking story is that Tutankhamun is dead, Mark Lawson has an opinion piece in the Guardian on what 25 years of EastEnders tells us about politics, and the main political story is about what a bunch of puffed up egomaniacs on Twitter may or may not have called each other. Oh, and just to cap off a truly fantastic and memorable day, Oasis have just won the Best British Album of the last 30 years for What's The Story (Morning Glory).

In the spirit of all this then, here's yet more hilariously unfunny Tory spoof adverts, because there clearly isn't enough already, helped along by there now being an online generator. And seeing as I'm out to equally offend everyone, there's two versions of the most explicit one:










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Monday, February 15, 2010 

I've never voted Tory...

You just can't keep a bad thing down. These are incidentally the best Tory adverts so far, although that's not exactly difficult given how terrible the last two have been. Almost makes you wonder whether they went with the "ordinary people" angle mainly because it makes them far more difficult to deface without insulting those in the adverts personally. Not that that's stopped me. Templates over at mydavidcameron.com as usual. Also I know the fonts aren't right, but I haven't the foggiest what the originals were and they don't look too bad anyway. Good ol' Verdana:


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Wednesday, February 10, 2010 

Tory tombstones.

Here are my feeble attempts at spoofing the latest Conservative advertising failure, which I'm sure you couldn't possibly have lived without:




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Wednesday, August 20, 2008 

Alternative answers to asinine questions.

MI6 are apparently so desperate for operational officers that they've taken to advertising on the front page of the Grauniad.

The advert reads:

"There are three strangers in the room that you need on your side. How do you get them to warm to you?"

"Could you be an operational officer?"


"www.mi6officers.co.uk"


Well, failing getting them on your side, you could do what MI6 (SIS) and its sister organisation MI5 did in the cases of Bisher al-Rawi and Jamil al-Banna. Having confronted al-Banna at his home and failing to convince him to spy for them, MI5 subsequently informed the Americans that he and al-Rawi would be travelling to Gambia, and that they had a "electronic device" that could form part of an improvised explosive device, or as they're otherwise known, a bomb. What MI5 didn't tell the Americans was that this electronic device was, err, a battery charger from Argos. Still, that didn't bother the CIA too much. For them the pair's relationship with Abu Qatada was enough for them to be first flown to Bagram air base in Afghanistan, and then latterly to Guantanamo, where they "stayed" for four years.

Whether the MI6 hierarchy would regard that as another acceptable option should you apply remains to be seen.

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Monday, March 03, 2008 

Phuck off Phorm!

Deeply worrying news about certain ISPs signing up to an advertising system that works by in effect spying on every site you visit and everything you write on the web that isn't encrypted. Political Penguin, Spyblog and the Grauniad have more, although the comments are more interesting on the latter. For once I'm relieved to be a Tiscali customer.

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Friday, August 03, 2007 

The Facebook fascists and those adverts.

Reading the news stories about major firms pulling their advertising from Facebook because it happens to appear on the British National Party's profile, just as it does on everyone else's, I was instantly reminded of Oliver Burkeman's amusing piece on silly season stories in yesterday's Grauniad:

August 18

New website is latest online sensation

A brightly coloured new website has become enormously popular with teenagers because it allows them to perform a fairly mundane aspect of their lives - such as discussing music, or shouting abuse at others - via the internet. The website has 230 million members in Britain alone, but some critics are worried that it could be used by bad people. It was designed by some Americans, and is estimated to be worth approximately £1bn. Celebrity members include David Miliband.


It really is a complete non-story and a typical overreaction by advertising firms/companies scared shitless that somehow the fact that their annoying banner ads appear on a profile advocating a legitimate if despicable political party will make the average idiot browsing Facebook think that they support them. It's condescending and ignorant by all measures - assuming that you can't work out that the ads are across the site rather than on just one page, and imbecilic on the behalf of the companies themselves - surely they realised that like on all of these sites that dip into the nether region of hell which is the human psyche, there are some profiles that are bound to be offensive or distasteful to some individual somewhere?

In fact, to be fair to them, it isn't entirely their fault. This is one of the only regions where the allegations of political correctness could possibly be considered plausible, based on the activities of a good number of the organisations opposed to the likes of the BNP. Rather than wanting to engage, challenge them and expose their lies, they instead try to institute a sort of boycott, denying them the right to both speak and be heard, in some cases almost pretending that they don't even exist. This is just the sort of contempt for the "average" person that the BNP loves to focus on; like some of those who support the actions of the takfiri jihadis, they thrive on a sense of false victimhood, claiming their right to freedom of expression is being denied by the liberal elite. It's complete and utter nonsense, as reading almost any tabloid will quickly expose you to just the sort of hate and misinformation which the BNP preaches, but it also has a ring of truth to it. The perfect example of how not to go about tackling the BNP was made by those who decided to protest outside the theatre where the "BNP ballerina" Simone Clarke performed back in January, when she hadn't done anything whatsoever to promote the party other than defending herself in an interview after she was exposed as a member. Shouting empty slogans against a misguided woman's political beliefs was little short of cowardly, not to say counter-productive.

Advertisers and companies are notoriously fickle when it comes to any possibility that their precious little brand might be affected by a controversy, and Vodafone may have a point when they say they don't want to support any political party, but it's still grandstanding over something incredibly petty. If I could be bothered enough to sign up to Facebook, I could probably find profiles representing things far more potentially offensive than a racist political party in a matter of minutes, doubtless with the same adverts appearing on those pages as on those of the profiles of middle class young people and aging politicos desperate to get down with the kids that infest the site.

In any case, do people really still browse the internet without an ad blocker? The other day mine stopped working for some reason and the sheer offensiveness of the deluge of ads which swamp you upon visiting almost any site is enough to make you want to extract your own teeth with a pair of rusty pliers than have to put up with them for more than a matter of seconds. If you're using Firefox and don't have an adblocking extension, go and install Adblock Plus and then subscribe to the EasyList and EasyElement filter sets, and you'll be unlikely to see the vast majority of ads ever again.

As for the British National Party, doubtless they'll again be delighted with getting yet more publicity because their views are regarded as beyond the pale. They indeed are, but you don't fight back against them by acting as if everyone who thinks they might have a point is an idiot. The more people think they are being victimised purely because of their political views, the more they'll be able to recruit from the similarly disaffected.

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